Victim Blaming - The Most Harmful Aspect of Modern Day Rape Culture

By: Victoria Gonzalez

     This is Chanel Miller. She was brutally raped behind a dumpster on                 Stanford University's campus.

I wish I could say her story is an uncommon one, but sadly, it's not.

In 2015, this bright young woman was twenty-two years old with her whole life ahead of her. She had just graduated from UC Santa Barbara with a degree in literature the previous year and was working her first job at a tech firm.

On January 17, 2015, Chanel's younger sister asked her to accompany her to a fraternity party at Stanford University. It was only a ten-minute drive from the house. In the end, Chanel agreed to go out and have some fun for a couple of hours with her sister. That's all it was supposed to be.

That's not how things ended up playing out though. The next morning, Chanel woke up in the hospital having her vagina and anus swabbed.

The night before, a nineteen-year-old by the name of Brock Turner took her behind the dumpsters and brutally raped her while she was passed out. The only reason he got apprehended in any way was that two passersby's witnessed the incident and stopped him...but even then, all he got was a slap on the wrist. Just six months of prison time (and he only served three of them).

Now, just to put this in perspective, the U.S. Department of Justice of prison released a study showing that the average sentence for convicted rapists was 9.8 years. The actual time served was usually around 5.4 years.

    Then, why did Brock Turner get off so easy?

Four reasons:

    1. Victim blaming

    2. Rape culture

    3. Patriarchy

    4. Oppression

When the case went to court, he was portrayed as a conscientious student, star swimmer, and perfect gentleman.

Chanel Miller was portrayed as the "drunk girl at the party." Although she was passed out, although she had bruising, although she woke up in the hospital, they still tried to say she wanted it. She was asking for it.

Only 230 out of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to the police. That means about 3 out of 4 go unreported. What happened in Chanel Miller's case is a perfect example of why.

Throughout the court case, Miller’s sexual history, relationship status, and the question of whether or not she “did a lot of partying in college” were all brought up to try to dismiss her credibility as a victim. They tried to use her past against her to paint her as a liar and what society considers "promiscuous."

I went through an experience similar to that of Chanel Miller's two years ago. While I did not wake up in the hospital or even realize that I had been a victim of sexual assault until just a couple of months ago, I did experience the probing questions meant to discredit me and the shortcomings of the justice system.

        This is why it’s crazy to me that people still ask, “Why didn't you report it?”

Well...let’s find out.

The questions that the police ask are so invasive that answering them makes it seem as if you're re-living the entire experience.

Not only that but if it's a case that doesn't meet the standards of "bad enough" by this country's faulty justice system, you won't even get a call back about the investigation. You'll have to be the one constantly pursuing the officers for updates and more information.

In Chanel Miller's case, she had to walk into a courtroom and tell her entire story in gruesome detail in front of a room full of people with the knowledge that pictures of her vagina had just been broadcasted to all of them as evidence.

Imagine for a moment how traumatizing that must be.

    Not to mention the issue of victim-blaming.

When someone shares their story, there will always be someone who says something like "Why did you put yourself in that situation?" or "You need to be safer." or the infamous “What were you wearing?”

We live in a culture where inappropriate and unacceptable behavior is met by ignorant excuses like, “boys will be boys.”

Even if others don't openly victim blame you, it's quite common for rape victims to victim blame themselves. I know I did.

When the police were asking me questions, I asked them what they were going to do with all that information. I became really reluctant to answer their questions after I found out they planned to assign a detective to find the person (Even though they never actually did. It was all talk; I haven't heard from them since.)

I didn't want them to find the person because I already knew what was going to happen. He was going to blame me. He was going to say I was lying and I gave him consent.

I was scared because originally, I had given consent, but I changed my mind right before. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea and that we should go back, but he didn't listen. He responded with, "It's okay. It won't hurt."

I also didn't want my parents to know the details. However, I was told they were going to be able to read the police report.

We only know about what happened with Chanel Miller because her case was reported. But the majority of situations like these never see the light of day. Especially in cases of marital rape.

This is because the victims in cases like these are told that getting raped is something THEY should be ashamed of. Their motives are questioned when they are most vulnerable and society makes them doubt themselves.

I was victim-blamed by one of the people closest to me and it hurt so much. Even if I hadn't been though, I blamed myself for a long time too...and that's pretty common. It took a long time for me to fully understand that it wasn't my fault.

But the majority of the time, you don’t need to be the one blaming yourself because there’s already someone there doing it for you by asking questions like:

      “Why didn't you just say no?”

Even if you weren't under the influence, or passed out, or coerced, or manipulated, just saying no isn't always easy. Most people don't seem to understand the pressure of a situation like that and how you feel like you don't have a choice.

Consent doesn't mean not saying no. It means saying yes.

That is something that absolutely needs to be taught more in our society today. It should be common knowledge, but the amount of people who don't understand this is scary.

The question, “Why didn’t you just say no?” is not just a clear example of rape culture and victim-blaming, it’s also just plain ridiculous.

“Why didn’t you just say no?” makes it sound as if a rape would realistically stop just because someone said no. If that were the case, rape statistics would be a hell of a lot lower.

“Why didn’t you just say no?” is like saying, "Gosh, you got robbed? Why didn't you just say no?"

     So, take a stand and stop rape culture by quashing one of its most                 harmful aspects...victim-blaming.

When someone shares their experience of sexual assault, sexual harassment, or rape with you, they don’t want judgment.

In fact, most of the time, they don’t even want advice. They just want you to listen with an open mind and be understanding and emphatic about their situation.

It’s the twenty-first century...Anyone should be able to dress however they like WITHOUT having to worry about what others will think or say or do.

Clothing doesn’t determine consent. People do.

If a woman feels good in a crop top and booty shorts, leave her be. It’s her first amendment right to freedom of expression.

If it bothers you that much, then maybe take a moment to think about the fact that maybe it’s not so much that she has issues with modesty. Maybe you just have issues with self-control.

CLICK HERE for free and confidential services for teenagers who have been impacted by domestic or sexual violence